New to Commercial; Critique my Script Please!

Hello All,

I'm in my third month in insurance with Allstate and focus only on commercial. I've been calling to business, not directly to owners. To drum up business, I've used this script to call for BOP's:

Hello,

My name is ________, and I'm calling from _______'s Allstate Agency. I'm looking to speak with the person who handles your business insurance.

(...if I get to speak with that person...)

I was wondering if you were interested in a personalized quote for your business owners policy; I have one prepared that I would like to send over to you.

(From there I would m
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